By Any Means

(A blast at the past)

Sung to the tune “Stand By Me”

My name is Newt.

People say I'm a brute

And the nastiest critter they've seen.

I am proud of the fact

I don't know how to act,

And I get what I want by any means.

By any means. By any means.

I will lie and will cheat and will scheme.

By any means. By any means.

I will get what I want by any means.

Those poor Democrats are no match for my brats

And my radio friends loud and mean.

We are selling our soul for that President role

Then we'll be in control by any means.

By any means. By any means.

We will lie and will cheat and will scheme.

By any means. By any means.

We will get what we want by any means.

All the poor people cry that the price is too high

And our contract with them is obscene.

We don't care what they say.

They don't vote anyway.

And we'll keep them away by any means.

By any means. By any means.

We will lie and will cheat and will scheme.

By any means. By any means.

We will get what we want by any means.

So now we're on our way

I must warn you and say

We are counting our friends and our green.

If you dare to refuse

The decisions I choose.

I'll make sure that you lose

By any means.

By any means. By any means.

I will lie and will cheat and will scheme.

By any means. By any means.

I will get what I want by any means

On the cover of TIME Magazine,

And my lobbyists behind the scenes,

I will get what I want by any means.