from Songs of Freedom special correspondent, Sol Weber
In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation, under God" clause of the Pledge of
Allegiance to overrule the recent Supreme
Court decision that handed the White House to George Bush.
"I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this morning on a rare Today Show appearance,
"but I'm sure as hell not going to lie back and let Bush get away with this bullshit. I've watched analysts
argue for weeks now that the exact vote count in Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I DO know
exactly who voted for
whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly 20,219
Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict overrules the official Electoral College tally
and awards Florida to Al Gore, giving him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God's Word for
possible grounds for appeal.
"God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign strategist Jim Baker. "
Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S. Presidential Election is unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the
constitution of the
state of Florida."
"Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's got some surprises ahead of him, let me tell you.
HOT ones, if you know what I mean."
God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct, explained that bad balloting machinery
and voter confusion
were no grounds to give the White House to "a friggin' idiot."
"Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for Buchanan. Get real! The rest meant to vote for Gore.
Don't believe me? I'll name them: Anderson, Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt, Ron..."
Our Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with George W. Bush's prideful ways and announced
that he would officially smite him today. In an act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, God has
taken all of Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and possessions, sold his family into
slavery, forced the former presidential candidate into hard labor in a salt mine, and afflicted him with deep
Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy. back to the top Meet the Prez! home